Did you know that during the Roman Empire period, this was like between (17 BC – 476 AD), people who were deemed to be in the lower class, or present time hustlers had something called “free marriage?” The chick’s father would deliver her to her heart throb and the two would agree that they were married and that by mutual consent, they would just stay true to their marriage vows forever and ever. (I know there are some Kenyan men asking their maker why that arrangement does not exist in this present day and age) LOL Life would have been very easy like ABC or as the song goes, easy as Sunday morning, though I tend to wonder just how easy waking up on a Sunday morning is?
Still continuing with this marriage vow business, for the Romans who were wealthy, they had to sign like a present day prenup, listing all their property rights and declaring to other guyz that their marriage was legal. This was the start of all these madness that we see called weddings and vows.
Being a wedding script writer has really opened my eyes to the reality of marriage vows and what people really get themselves into when they say these stuff. I am a Christian, and there is this verse that warns people to be careful when they make vows. That your words should be few when you stand before God. That it is better you listen first and gain understanding before you state your undying love and commitment to your supposed lover.
I have a million and one questions or lets say 21 questions like 50 cents song on these vows. Is it really a must that people say them especially when they know that they may just be saying them out of feelings, or a sense of obligation that the church and the state requires them to do? I sometimes wish I was a little birdy on people’s shoulders as they are saying these vows and ask them whether they are sure that they will keep the words that they have just sworn before God, men and of course themselves.
Having researched the origin of these stuff, I have made a promise to myself and hope that my future best half will consent to this. I will not do vows on my nuptials. I will not agree to anything that one of us or maybe both of us may not be willing to keep.Something that I might one day be looking at my wedding videos and crying tears of pain not of joy after paying all that cash just to have memories of my big day. I have decided that I will only say what I know I will have the guts to keep!
In the past, couples could promise each other to “love and cherish” or, alternatively, the groom promises to “love, cherish, and worship”, and the bride to “love, cherish, and obey. But all these changed when guyz threw tantrums. One thing that I would change is all that love, worship thing especially if the guy you are marrying is nothing you admire. Lets say you are getting married to a cheat or an old man who’s like your grand dad’s age desperate women who is super scared of age, you get into it, just to floss around a gold ring and to post on social media that you are now hitched. Am not against that showing things on FB thing, but let your intentions be pure as you do those things. You might brag and the next thing we hear is that you are divorced…God forbid.
I wish we could change these vows to only conjugal rights. That you could just swear to have one sexual partner, a companion, without all the other duties of marriage like submission, house chores, and all the other things.Worse, is this for better and worse thing that confines women to awkward positions like standing by your husband when he decides to have a sex tape done on him, or when he just decides to sleep around and you are expected to stand by them through thick and thin. All because of the stupid vows.
Oprah, a woman I greatly admire once said something about relationships that if you are one of those closed minded people, you wouldn’t get it. This is what she said when she was questioned about Steadman, his companion:
“If you ever interviewed him, he would tell you that had we married, we would not be together today,” Oprah said of Stedman. “Because he’s a traditional man and this is a very untraditional relationship.”
Oprah went on to explain that she couldn’t be a wife because the word holds responsibilities she doesn’t feel capable of handling.
“I think it’s acceptable as a relationship, but if I had the title ‘wife,’ I think there would be other expectations for what a wife is and what a wife does. First of all, you’ve got to come home sometimes,” Oprah laughed. (source New York post)
Instead of all these divorces that we see every time because of guys cheating, irreconcilable differences and stuff, why can’t all these vows be broken and we settle to a more convenient deal.